Small Chops


The reason why small chops won’t be served at a ceremony at all is beyond my imagination, let alone a wedding, let alone a ‘society wedding’. Ah ah! You haven’t done wedding oh, when you forget to add small chops to the menu and your caterer also plays Jonathan about it. Ah ah! Such cluelessness, eez nor allowed.

Allow me to share this gospel with you. Some of us get angry, very angry over little things and they potentially are a ‘handful’. You think that thing is called ‘puff-puff’ for nothing? Of course, we want to share your joy with you, but we want the full package too. You see, we are those people who do not move an inch when the ‘marriage proper’ is going on. We respect you, and we respect God even more.

We appreciate the efforts put into the decor, those lightings and choice of furniture, the very endearing colors with beautiful invited and uninvited guests.

Again, because we love you too much, we put up with many things and just keep calm, because it is your wedding. The bouncers that look like all that runs in their blood is ‘dried fish’ and ah! those camera men and women that are all up in your faces and block the entirety of our own vision without the least iota of regard. We just keep calm. There can only be so much of an Erubebe you know. We know too much about Public conduct.

You see, we won’t, and will never complain (to you) about the type (and price) of Aso-Ebi you choose. It’s your wedding, and again because we love you, (and cannot enter wedding without, well, because IV) we simply spare the change. The ultimate Change has kuku come, costs of wedding will start going through serious scrutiny. Because you don’t want your fathers to be ‘declaring’ up and down.

Eh eh. Back to the matter. This is what a Kiss Daniel and all those professional and aspiring photographers with all sorts of devices make us do. We forget why we are here.

But as I was trying to make you understand, you see, all these ‘chair-for-standing’ things (alaga iduro), don’t ‘sit down’ well with us. Especially when we are not honored with appetizers! Haba! This is the reason we’re still seated.

See eh, not every time Jollof, sometimes small chops. In fact every time, Small chops. We are getting tired of Jollof, especially since the ‘invention’ of Jollof music. Too many Wojus and Shokis Abeg. Eez nor our fault. Plix.

It’s bad enough that we can tell what songs exactly you’ll walk in with, and the ones your train will choreograph to, and the ones that all the ‘mummy and the daddy kes’ will boogie to and like that like that.

But we will not take some things o. We just kent. To deprive us intentionally or unintended, of small chops! No! That’s the height!

You see, Small chops is the reason we feed ourselves before coming to your party. We cannot be fighting for rice and beans. #AintNobodyGotFuelForThat fork and knife food. Again, not every time cutlery, sometimes fingers! That’s why small chops are alias finger foods. They are the life of the partay!

So before y’all be snitching on our asses like crazy, I hereby declare all weddings with little or no small chops null and void. The ceremony has not occurred. Don’t deceive yourselves. You are only engaging in illegal coital activities, which are also very punishable under the law of God.

God bless you as you oblige.

Many small chops to your ceremonies, people!


3 Responses to “Small Chops

  • Omigod! You writing is rib cracking! Small chops is totally necessary, when we ge tired of monotonous jollof/fried rice. Us girls can munch on it stylishly while looking pretty for the potential ‘suitors’. Thanks for making me smile!

    • Lool @Scarf Face, true tho… Glad you enjoyed it. Thank you. We hope you enjoy our other posts.

  • Kassim Braimah
    2 years ago

    Hahahahahaha Awesome!!!

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